"Kanbaru Suruga, whose specialties are B dashes and double jumping. Main weapon is an accelerating switch. Job is Araragi-senpai's sex slave!"

As a great fan of Kanbaru Suruga from NisiOisiN's Bakemonogatari, I thought I would translate this snippet from the second part of the Nadeko Snake chapter, which sadly did not make it to the anime. It illustrates why Kanbaru is pretty much the world's greatest girl.

God damn this man's writing style is strange.

"Araragi-senpai, sorry to keep you waiting."

July 11th. A Sunday.

As though to show the fact that she specialized in sports, at 10:55A.M., just five minutes before the time we'd promised to meet, in front of the high school we attended, Naoetsu High, the former basketball club's leader, Kanbaru Suruga, one year younger than me, ran up to me, and with a great burst of speed, leaped clear over my head, landed, and turned to face me, right hand on her chest and a smile on her face.

...I know that I'm not the tallest guy, considering I'm a high school senior, and yet I didn't think I was so short that a girl shorter than me could jump over me, but it seems that that thought was faulty.

"No, it's fine. I just got here, myself. I wasn't waiting for you at all."

"Incredible... To think that you would make such a blatantly obvious consideration on my part in order to keep me from being needlessly burdened. Araragi-senpai, you really are a nice guy. Your natural character is on a whole different level. I'd have to take three steps back just to take you in at a glance. I must say, your integrity is simply shocking. Just a few seconds after we met today, you've managed to shake my heart. It seems I have no choice but to use all my life's allotment of respect for you, Araragi-senpai. I can't even say what's happening. I almost feel like complaining."

"..."

She hasn't changed a bit.

And don't call it blatantly obvious consideration.

In that kind of situation, it's normal for you to pretend not to notice my natural niceness.

"I'm not lying, I really just got here. And even if I hadn't, you got here early too, so there's no need for you to apologize."

"No, I can't accept that. No matter what you say, I have to apologize simply because I couldn't get here before you. I think of it as an unforgivable crime, to waste the time of an elder."

"I'm not your elder."

"You're older than me, and you're my upperclassman, so you're an elder."

"Technically, that's right, but..."

That's just a matter of age...

Or height, since I'm taller.

But she can jump over me anyway.

Kanbaru Suruga - Naoetsu High sophomore.

Up until just last month, as the basketball club's leader, she was the most famous star in our school. No matter how much she denied it, it was only natural, seeing as how she managed to take this private school's weak sports club all the way to the nationals in just one year. As a delinquent senior, I normally wouldn't be able to even talk to her - no, I wouldn't even be worthy to stand in her presence. A scary underclassman. Just a while ago, she gave her leadership position to another member and retired from the basketball club, citing an injury on her left arm. That news shook our school so much that I can still remember it. No, I can't forget it.

On Kanbaru's left arm.

I can still see the bandages wrapped around it.

"That's right," Kanbaru said, quietly.

"As you can see, I've retired. Now there's nothing I can contribute to this school, since there's nothing I'm good at except for basketball. I'd like it if you treated me with that in mind, Araragi-senpai."

"Treat you... You know, considering how confidently you take on most things, you have this strange way of lowering your self value. Don't talk about yourself that way. The things you achieved in the basketball club won't vanish just because you left a little early."

She must be sad because she had to leave early... well, not quite, but I guess it's reaching a little to expect her to be the same after what happened. But I didn't want Kanbaru to talk about herself as though she was worth so little.

"Thank you, Araragi-senpai. Your care for me is astounding. I'll take your concern, at least, to heart."

"Don't forget the words. Well, anyway, let's go."

"Right."

So said, Kanbaru swiftly moved to my left, and with an extremely natural movement, grabbed my left hand with her right. No, rather than "grabbed," it was more like she intertwined our fingers. Each finger was interlocked with another. And then, as though hugging me, leaving no space between us, she pressed her body against my arm. Because of the difference in height, Kanbaru's breasts pressed precisely against my elbow, and a feeling like mashed potatoes made itself known at that sensitive area.

"No, Araragi-senpai. The analogy you're looking for is marshmallow."

"What?! Did I just say that ridiculous monologue out loud?!"

"No, no, that's not it. Don't worry. It just came to me through telepathy."

"That's even worse! Everyone living around here would be able to hear it!"

"Heheheh. So what if they find out? I'm not worrying about scandals anymore."

"Don't say that with a smiling face as though you're my girlfriend, underclassman! I'm not going out with you, but your upperclassman!"

Senjougahara Hitagi.

My classmate.

And also, my girlfriend.

And also... the girl to whom Kanbaru Suruga pledges her allegiance.

In fact, it's Senjougahara's existence which allowed an average student like me to meet our school's greatest star. Kanbaru and Senjougahara knew each other since middle school, and since then, went through this and that, and that and this, and even though this and that happened, they're still friends, the Valhalla Combo. For a while, Kanbaru stalked me, "the guy who's dating my beloved upperclassman."

"You never cared about scandals in the first place. C'mon, get off me."

"No. You're supposed to hold hands on a date. I read about it in a book."

"Date?! Did I ever say this was a date?!"

"Hmm?'

Kanbaru cocked her head to one side, as though my words had come as a great surprise.

"Now that I think of it, you didn't. To tell you the truth, the moment you asked me to go out with you, my mind completely blanked out, and I didn't hear much of what you said, Araragi-senpai."

"Aaah... come to think of it, you were pretty spaced out..."

"But, Araragi-senpai. I don't think that's right. I think of myself as relatively sexually open, and I've decided to follow your discretion in most matters, but it's improper to do it without even going on a date. I worry about your future, Araragi-senpai."

"We're not going to do it so don't worry! And a high school sophomore shouldn't be saying that she's sexually open!"

"Oh well. Now that we've come this far I guess it can't be helped. I don't really feel like it, but I'll go along with your desires."

"You do feel like it!"

Suddenly, I took in Kanbaru's appearance.

Jeans and a T-shirt, with a long-sleeved jacket. Expensive looking sneakers. She was wearing a baseball cap on her head, maybe because of the strong sunlight. It looked right on a sportsy girl like her, but.

"It looks like you did wear long sleeves and pants like I asked, but..."

But.

Her jeans were ripped stylishly here and there, and her T-shirt ended abruptly at her midriff, showing off her shapely abdomen. It felt a bit, how would I put it, aggressive... Well, even considering that it's personal choice regarding what to wear on a Sunday...

"...You weren't listening to a thing I said, were you."

"What do you mean?"

"We're going up into the mountains."

"Mountains? We're doing it in the mountains?"

"We're not!"

"Hmm, that's not bad. It feels wild and dangerous. You're unexpectedly manly, Araragi-senpai. I can't say I'm entirely adverse to being taken forcefully."

"I told you, we're not doing it! Listen to me!"

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edit: More here!